Went over a friend's house for dinner tonight and stayed until 11:30pm. Then I came home to an empty house. I realize I no longer have that nagging feeling of being away from my mom. I no longer worry about how my mom's doing, if she's eating or needs me. I no longer have my mom calling me to hurry home so she can just lay on my lap or hold my hand. It's these moments that I just repeat over and over, "My mom died. She's not here."

Yet, she's everywhere in the sense that everything reminds me of her. I don't miss seeing her so weak, but I miss her smile, her warmth, her soft touch, her everything. I used to think everything happens for a reason, but now I think that sometimes bad things just happen without rhyme or reason (good things too) and we must just trudge on because we have no choice.

I know no matter what, my mother's love will sustain me.