"I love you" expressed in actions

Growing up, my family never said "I love you" to each other. Friends of mine say it to their parents as often as they say "good bye" when hanging up the phone. It could be a Chinese or Canto thing. In fact, saying the actual phrase "I love you" in Chinese to a family member just sounds odd. It almost has a romantic connotation since it's only heard in romantic movies. Even now, when my mom watches reality show competitions, she is always surprised at how often people utter those three words. "I love you," but you're off the show. "I love you," but it's just not meant to be. "I love you," but now's just not the right time for stardom for you.

It's not that Chinese people don't love each other. It's because in our culture, it doesn't need to be spoken. It's goes with being a family. I told my mom not too long ago that if anything were to happen, I would never fight with my brother over money or pettiness. My mom responded, "That's right, because you will have each other." She then said, "And if anything were to happen, I would kill you." (lmao).

Since my mom was diagnosed, I remind my mom about how much I care about her like it's second nature. And she does the same. But we always say "I love you" in English. Even though it's understood. I can never show express too much love for my mom. And it's just not words. My mom and I hold each others' hands when we take walks. Or she clings to my arm if she needs support. When I'm driving, she reaches her hand out for me to hold (yes very unsafe I know, but I let go during the turns, etc). Or I put my hand on her knee. Holding my mom's hand is our symbol of love and compassion. When I get mad and visibly upset because she didn't eat like I asked her to, she just looks up at me and opens her palm and asks for my hand. It's a sign of love, but also a sign of forgiveness. When she gets chemo, I give her foot massages. I remember a lady next to my mom remarked about how comfortable it looked and her husband glanced up and said, "No way" (like, "don't even think about asking me").

 Sometimes my mom just needs my company.

A few months ago, I was at a bridal shower and my mom asked if I could hurry home. I did and asked what was the matter. Then she said, looking sad and upset, "I just want you to sit next to me." So I gave her a hug and did just that. As we watched TV, she rested her head on my shoulder. My mom also likes placing a pillow and laying her head on my lap. She falls asleep pretty easily that way. And I hold her hand or gently stroke her arm. She lays on my lap until my legs fall asleep and I tell her it's time to go to bed.

stage 4 stomach cancer blog

Happy Birthday Marta

Marta without an h.

A little more than 6 months ago, Marta was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer at the age of 30. Today she is 31. I wish her lots of imaginary cupcakes and cute kittens. (Although I have a confession Marta if you are reading this... I have an unreal phobia of cats and dogs. I hope you will still be my friend.)

I encourage everyone to visit her blog. She talks about what it's like living with such a diagnoses-- the raw emotions, the heartache, the pills and treatments, chemo brain, as well as the good moments we hope can last forever.

Just for a second, think about how you would feel if you were told your time on earth may be limited. It is something no one ever thinks can happen to them, but it happens way too often. Spoken by oncologists and doctors every day.I hope one day cancer can be treated like a chronic condition like diabetes.

Most of all, I hope for many many many many many many many many more birthdays to come.

Happy Birthday Marta!