Friday, December 7, 2012

Went over a friend's house for dinner tonight and stayed until 11:30pm. Then I came home to an empty house. I realize I no longer have that nagging feeling of being away from my mom. I no longer worry about how my mom's doing, if she's eating or needs me. I no longer have my mom calling me to hurry home so she can just lay on my lap or hold my hand. It's these moments that I just repeat over and over, "My mom died. She's not here."

Yet, she's everywhere in the sense that everything reminds me of her. I don't miss seeing her so weak, but I miss her smile, her warmth, her soft touch, her everything. I used to think everything happens for a reason, but now I think that sometimes bad things just happen without rhyme or reason (good things too) and we must just trudge on because we have no choice.

I know no matter what, my mother's love will sustain me.

2 comments:

  1. Dear Lana,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I only know you through your blog - such an expression of love and kindness and reality. I wish you blessings and peace and comfort, and I hope you know what a gift you have given all of us who have shared your blog. Blessings and happiness to you and your brother. I truly believe your mother will watch over you always.
    Kathleen

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