The final stages of life

This morning, the doctor attempted a stent procedure to relieve blockage in the bile duct but was unsuccessful. We had the option of choosing to relieve blockage with another procedure which would empty waste from the bile duct into an outside bag that would be attached to her. It would be an invasive procedure and if successful, would only buy her weeks. 

After consulting with family, we decided comfort care would be best. We chose hospice. She's now comfortable but my heart hurting so much. My brother did ask my mom her opinion and she said that if it'd allow her to see my brother get married next month, she'd do it. However, we knew that the chances of that happening would be highly unlikely. 

Yesterday, she had such a high temperature that she was unable  to speak. Her eyes were open but she wasn't talking or responding, making sounds but that was it. We were afraid it was because she was too tired. When my brother and his fiance came back from New York and brought porridge, we tried "encouraging" her to eat. One opened her mouth by nudging her bottom lip while the other fed her with a spoon. Then later, fearful of her becoming more dehydrated, they used a straw to try and drip water into her mouth. At around midnight, we convinced the nurse to start an IV with saline solution. 

This morning, my brother kept trying to talk to her for hours, but nothing. Then two hours later, the nurse came in and said Good morning and my mom said, "Good morning!" We were so shocked to learn she came back out of the fog.

We kept our fingers crossed that the stent procedure would be successful. But it was not. Doctor said she has days left. In the midst of tears, heartache, and exhaustion, we also knew that we needed to have a will and power of attorney in place. A few days ago, I did it through legalzoom.com. I was told by Lorita of This Cancer Thing Sucks that if anything were to happen with my mom, things can move very slow in the court system with dividing out assets to me and my brother. So it was done. But it was still enroute, and remembering how my mom was yesterday, it was best to do it ASAP, while she was lucid and cognizant.

I am so fortunate to have great friends, family, and coworkers. (Also, big shout out to my stomach cancer warrior and caregiver facebook support group). I texted a coworker who is an attorney, who texted another attorney coworker, who called and told us word for word, how to write the will. Then we called a notary to come and notarize it. The notary lady questioned why we were doing this so suddenly and why we didn't do it earlier. We had to convince her we were not taking advantage of the situation, and that we didn't realize how our time might be so limited until now.

My brother called our extended family and close friends to pay a visit to her. Family gathered and though my mom hates being seen in this way, I think she really felt the love by everyone. My brother has his ipad and recorded some touching moments with her. Being that my mother will most likely not be there for my brother's wedding, this morning he and his fiance did a tea ceremony (pouring tea, offering it to her, and saying "Please drink tea mom"). It's a very simple gesture but it's very meaningful and a sign of respect. At night, my brother laid on the bed with her and they danced the mother and son dance holding and swaying her hand to this classic Chinese song: 月亮代表我的心 (The Moon Represents My Heart). My mom even sang along to it and during some parts, my brother buried his head onto his pillow to hold the tears.

As I write this, my mom is resting peacefully and I am by her side. I know that no matter what, she will always be in my heart. (though it does not make it easier).

月亮代表我的心 (The Moon Represents My Heart)
You asked me how deep is my love for you
and how much do I love you.
My feelings for you is true
and my love for you is true
As the moon represents my heart towards you

You asked me how deep is my love for you
and how much do I love you.
My feelings for you are steadfast
My love for you is unchanging
And the moon represents my heart to wards you

A Soft kiss from you
have indeed moved my heart
This deep love that is present
Keeps me longing until today

You asked me how deep is my love for you
and how much do I love you.
So I ask you to think about this
and ask you to take a close look at this
as the moon represent my heart