What People with Cancer Want You to Know

From the book, Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know by Lori Hope. Sadly, the author passed away recently from lung cancer. Here is her obit. 

(I also added some of my own 2 cents).

Six of the “20 things people with cancer want you to know”

- “It’s okay to say or do the ‘wrong’ thing.” [Just don't disappear because you're afraid you'll hurt me] - “I like to hear success stories, not horror stories.”
- “I need to laugh – or just forget about cancer for a while.”
- “If you really want o help me, be specific about your offer, or just help without asking.’
- “I need to feel hope, but telling me to think positively can make me feel worse.”
- “I don’t know if I’m cured, and bringing up my health can bring me down.”

Some of the top 15 things you can do to help (after you ask permission, of course)
- Set up a prayer or silent unity group.
- Bring animals to visit.
- Do research for the patient.
- Rub the patient’s feet.
- Send cards, postcards, and letters.
- Pay to have the patient’s house cleaned [or check out "Cleaning for a Reason"]
- Offer to clean out the fridge or pick up the mail during hospital stays (my .02)
- Offer to pick up food (my .02)
- Do something for the patient’s spouse or children.

Beware: a few of the 26 common words, phrases and questions that can sting
- “What’s your prognosis?” Prognosis is a medical term, and it is often associated with the word “poor.”
“Are you in remission?” Said one survey respondent, “The term ‘in remission’ indicates that the cancer is lurking somewhere in your body, and it is just a matter of time as to when it will return. It makes me anxious just to hear it.”
- “Pray for a miracle!” Although most people like to be prayed for, saying that they need a miracle implies they have a poor prognosis.
- “You’re going to be just fine.” As Dr. Lawrence LeShan said, “Don’t tell me things you don’t know anything about. Don’t tell me I’m going to get better, don’t tell me I’m going to get worse.”
- “You even lost your eyebrows and eyelashes!” Saying that to a person who has undergone chemotherapy can just make them more self-conscious.
- Before chemo: “You’ll have so much fun picking out wigs!” “Fun” is not a word most people with cancer like to hear associated with their disease.
- Don't ask how long I'll be on chemo for. Instead, ask what the treatment plan is. For many people with stage 4 cancer, they're on chemo for life or until they decide to stop treatment. (my own personal pet peeve)
- Don't ask how I got cancer. Just don't. (For the record, my mom did not smoke, drink, have diabetes, high blood pressure, or do drugs -another personal pet peeve)

Some of the 22 things most people with cancer like and want to hear
- “I wanted to hear that people loved me, that they would be by my side through this entire ordeal, that they would do anything at all that I needed, that they would be with me even if I didn’t need anything at all.”
- “Mostly I wanted to hear that they were concerned and loved me, that it mattered that I was sick, that I made a difference in their lives.”
- “I wanted and needed to hear: ‘I’m going to the supermarket. Do you want to come with me, or can I pick up some items for you?’”
- “I would have liked to have heard that it was normal to have feelings of depression.”
- “My husband said things that were comforting like. ‘It’s so horrible what they’re doing to you.’”