Things are never easy...

Today, my mom spiked a fever. She felt miserable and made continuous moaning sounds. Originally, she was supposed to be released today, but she ended up getting what doctors suspected as bacteremia. The interventional radiologist irrigated the bile duct and capped the catheter, removing the outside bag. My mom will still drain the bile, but it'll be naturally this time. Anyway, when she got back to her room, she ended up hyperventilating, her blood pressure shot up, and she was shaking continuously. It was a really scary time. I hate feeling helpless in that way.

I want her to have more time, but I don't want her to suffer. That is no way to live. I want my mom to enjoy the rest of her life however long or short it may be, and not be confined to the sofa or the bed, not be able to enjoy her favorite foods, or stay alert enough to watch Biggest Loser with me and laugh at the contestants crying over Bob or Jillian. I want to see my mom smile and laugh. I want her to make a politically incorrect joke and be her sassy self. I want her to be able to dance with my brother at his wedding, and beam with pride. I know my mom most worries about me because I'm single, I don't have someone to depend on in that "significant other" type of way, but I tell her, no matter, what I'll be ok.

I don't want her to suffer. Please let my mom have more time, let her have better days, let her be my mom for much longer than the doctors say.