My mother was diagnosed with inoperable stomach cancer, metastasized to distant lymph nodes. This is her survivor story. It is my hope to share the knowledge we are learning along the way and help/ learn from others in a similar situation. My mom is strong because she is a fighter - not because she chooses to be but because there is no alternative.
Orange Creamsicle Smoothie with French Vanilla Carnation Instant Breakfast
1 1/2 cup of carrot juice (I used about 12 carrots with my Omega juicer)
1 whole orange, peeled
1 packet of French Vanilla Carnation Instant Breakfast powder
2 tablespoons of vanilla yogurt
3 cubes of ice
1 tablespoon of grounded flax seed meal (optional)
1 tablespoon of flax seed oil (optional)
Blend all ingredients (With my Vitamix blender, I turned it on at low speed, then switched to high for about 10-15 seconds)
Makes 3 cups
My mom is an extremely picky eater and while it'd be better for her to drink one whole packet of carnation instant breakfast, I don't think she could stomach it. So my goal is to give it to her everyday so that even if she drinks a third or half of the packet's worth, she'll still be getting more nutrients than she usually does.
Happy Labor Day! I am happy to report that my mom is feeling a lot better. I say this nervously because I know things can always change and rather quickly, but for today and the past few days, she's been doing better. Her appetite is still not that great...mostly because she says everything tastes bad, but at least she'll have a few bites and won't throw up. I've been giving her 5 ml of megace every day for the past 4 days. The nurse practitioner we saw on Friday said that it might take a little bit before the appetite stimulant, well, stimulates. She had chemo on Friday and I was surprised that all her counts were in normal range- her platelets, white blood cell (WBC) and red blood cell (RBC) count. When her blood was taken on Monday, her platelets were still at the 60 range so she couldn't get chemo. But by Friday, it was at 203 (lowest of normal range is 150), so chemo was a go.
On that same day, my cousins (on my mom's side) who've recently moved here from China and Taiwan told us they wanted to visit. My mom was like, "sure, whatever," but I was nervous about how she'd feel in the next feel days. But all in all, it turned out to be a nice get-together. All my cousins' kids are boys ranging from 13-28 years old and they eat like beasts. Last time they came, my mom literally gave a face of horror as we watched them come back from a game of basketball and just swallow the food whole without taking a breath. With my cousins coming over, I decided made sense to host a barbecue. We also invited my cousins on my dad's side.
The boys:
scarfing down chicken
Other than eating and visiting the local Walmart, my brother gave the boys some exercise training. My cousins also joined in on the "fun." We went to the park and my mom watched in amusement as they suffered through sprints, high knee jumps, push-ups, squats, jumping jacks, etc.
Although having guests over means that I need to get the house "ready" for guests in terms of cleaning and shopping, I think the extra company is nice for my mom. Since she's been off work for a while, I'm usually the only one she sees most days. And they also don't come empty handed, bringing dim sum, Chinese take out, Chinese newspaper, and fruit.
Two of our youngest guests had birthdays coming up so we got them cake and presents.
My mom and my cousin Tracy's children
note the Christmas wrapping paper ;)
giving my mom some love
I made some great burgers and thought I'd share the recipe:
3.25 lbs. of ground beef
3 tablespoons milk
1 egg, beaten
1 1/4 cup of bread crumbs
1/4 cup of olive oil
1/4 cup of chopped onions
3 tablespoons of chopped cilantro
2 cloves of chopped garlic
salt and pepper
Preheat grill for high heat.
In a large bowl, mix the all the ingredients using your hands. Season with salt and pepper,
Form the mixture into hamburger patties.
Lightly oil the grill grate. Grill patties 5 minutes per side, or until well done.
Growing up, my family never said "I love you" to each other. Friends of mine say it to their parents as often as they say "good bye" when hanging up the phone. It could be a Chinese or Canto thing. In fact, saying the actual phrase "I love you" in Chinese to a family member just sounds odd. It almost has a romantic connotation since it's only heard in romantic movies. Even now, when my mom watches reality show competitions, she is always surprised at how often people utter those three words. "I love you," but you're off the show. "I love you," but it's just not meant to be. "I love you," but now's just not the right time for stardom for you.
It's not that Chinese people don't love each other. It's because in our culture, it doesn't need to be spoken. It's goes with being a family. I told my mom not too long ago that if anything were to happen, I would never fight with my brother over money or pettiness. My mom responded, "That's right, because you will have each other." She then said, "And if anything were to happen, I would kill you." (lmao).
Since my mom was diagnosed, I remind my mom about how much I care about her like it's second nature. And she does the same. But we always say "I love you" in English. Even though it's understood. I can never show express too much love for my mom. And it's just not words. My mom and I hold each others' hands when we take walks. Or she clings to my arm if she needs support. When I'm driving, she reaches her hand out for me to hold (yes very unsafe I know, but I let go during the turns, etc). Or I put my hand on her knee. Holding my mom's hand is our symbol of love and compassion. When I get mad and visibly upset because she didn't eat like I asked her to, she just looks up at me and opens her palm and asks for my hand. It's a sign of love, but also a sign of forgiveness. When she gets chemo, I give her foot massages. I remember a lady next to my mom remarked about how comfortable it looked and her husband glanced up and said, "No way" (like, "don't even think about asking me").
Sometimes my mom just needs my company.
A few months ago, I was at a bridal shower and my mom asked if I could hurry home. I did and asked what was the matter. Then she said, looking sad and upset, "I just want you to sit next to me." So I gave her a hug and did just that. As we watched TV, she rested her head on my shoulder. My mom also likes placing a pillow and laying her head on my lap. She falls asleep pretty easily that way. And I hold her hand or gently stroke her arm. She lays on my lap until my legs fall asleep and I tell her it's time to go to bed.
I used to hate the taste of garlic and cilantro, but a few year ago, my taste buds did a 180 and now I love it. So on the days when there isn't anything to good to eat, I just make this tomato garlic and cilantro sandwich. It has my favorite flavors and it's so easy to do. I dice half a tomato, chop cilantro and garlic, mix it all together and pile it on a slice of bread. Then I add shredded cheese over it. Pop it in the toaster oven and I'm done.
(note: duet with Blake Shelton, my mom's favorite American singer purely based on looks. lol)
Last Monday, my mom had to be admitted to the hospital. My mom went to the doctor's office for routine blood work and was told she couldn't go home. I had anticipated her counts being low, but not that low. Her hemoglobin count was at 5 (10 is the lowest point of normal range) and her platelets were at 14,000. Normal platelet should be at least 150,000. I declined their offer to get a squad car to take her to the hospital. Instead, I hurried to the doctor's office to pick up my mom and head to the ER.
The emergency room at Robert Wood Johnson is always a mad house. Because of her low counts, she had to be in "isolation." They gave her blood and platelets. I appreciated that they were quick about this. However, Robert Wood takes FOREVER to get a room up on the oncology floor. We arrived at 6pm and at 2am, finally were told that they had a room waiting. Another hour passes and they said oops, they were misinformed. The room they found was for the wrong location.
I planned on sleeping at the hospital with my mom. But in the ER, there were only chairs to sit in so by 3am, I went home to get some shut eye.
When did my mom finally get taken to a proper room? Drum roll please....
At 4pm the next day. %&@#$^!!!!! (insert angry emoticon here)
I feel uncomfortable in the ER not just because of the incredibly long wait time to get a room and not just because it's loud and crazy.
Reason #1: The ER only has TWO toilets. One on each side of the floor. If my mom needs to go to the bathroom, I hurry ahead of her to make sure there is one available. I grab sterile gloves and lysol wipes and wipe down everything...the floor, the seat, the water faucet handles. Her low counts make her very susceptible to infections, etc., so I make damn sure the bathroom's clean.
Things just get complicated when there's more people in need of a bathroom. When the one closest to us became occupied, but the one on the other side was open, I race to her bed and anxiously tell her to hurry to the bathroom. It then becomes a mad dash to the bathroom because there's a huge chance that by the time she arrives, it'll be taken.
Reason #2: My mom was in an isolation room to lower risk of infection. But ironically, the room we were in was not sanitized. I saw 2 cockroach-like bugs in the room. Now, I understand that the ER is super busy and people are coming in and out. But for people who are neutropenic, doesn't it make sense that their rooms just get a quick wipe down before a patient with a low immune system enters?
Well, we were in Monday night and left on Wednesday, late afternoon. I was glad the visit was relatively short.
Traditional Chinese Porridge. You can find traditional recipehere.
I wanted to share a recipe of what I make for my mom sometimes on the days that she doesn't want to eat. Rice porridge is pretty common in Asian culture. It's sort of like our version of chicken noodle soup. The taste is not overwhelming and it's super easy to make. Chinese porridge (pronounced "jook" in Cantonese and also known as Congee) is basically rice cooked in a lot of water or chicken stock. It’s a good way to use up the leftover rice. The rice is cooked for a long time until it breaks down and the porridge thickens.
I made a different version with quinoa.You can get a four pound bag from Costco for $8 or $9 bucks.
My mom is very much a purist in terms of food and sometimes I'll get away will cooking only quinoa, but most of the time, I use a mix of quinoa and rice so she can't tell. I'm a big fan of quinoa because of it's health benefits. It's high in protein,
fiber and a good source of iron, zinc, vitamin E, and selenium. The thing about this porridge is that it's very flexible. You can add peanuts or beans. Use chicken instead of pork. Add yams to sweeten it. Whatever.
Below is my recipe for quinoa and rice savory porridge with carrots.
1. First, marinate a pound of thinly sliced pork butt or loin by combining the following ingredients in a bowl with the meat:
1 teaspoons of light soy sauce
½ teaspoon of rice wine
Sprinkle of ground white pepper
Pinch of sugar
2 teaspoons of corn starch
Leave aside.
*If you prefer this to be meatless, you can skip step 1 and just substitute by adding chicken bouillon later instead.
2. Take half a cup of uncooked rice and rinse it in a bowl until the water no longer has white residue. Then take half a cup of quinoa and pour it into the bowl with rice. Rinse once more.
3. Measure a quarter cup of soybeans.
4. Poor all ingredients into a medium pot and fill the pot with water leaving 2-3 inches unfilled.
5. Chop 2 carrots and add to pot.
6. Cover pot and boil. After it reaches full boil, just when it's about to boil over, place lid open just a crack to let the steam escape. Then place on low-medium heat and cook for 30 minutes.
7. Add the marinated pork from step 1 and boil for another 10 minutes, or until it reaches a desired consistency.
